


If it Feels Right, Promise I Don’t Mind

by GuineapigQueen



Category: South Park
Genre: Craig and Those Guys - Freeform, Gen, M/M, craig works in a sex shop, creek - Freeform, retail slave craig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 00:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15352140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuineapigQueen/pseuds/GuineapigQueen
Summary: Craig works in a sex shop as a retail slave, and his friends come to visit to make his day better (worse.)





	If it Feels Right, Promise I Don’t Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [metrophobic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metrophobic/gifts).



> Written for my lovely friend metrophobic for his birthday. I hope you enjoy it!  
> Thank you to scarlettshazam for the beta job!

Soundtrack: Let Me Love You - Ariana Grande

Craig raps his fingers on the counter repetitively and glances over at the clock. Jesus, he still has another four hours until he can leave this godforsaken place. He’s the only person working today, his lunch cover came and went and the clock is moving at a glacial pace. 

Craig thought that working in a sex shop (or adult store, as his manager liked to remind him) would be interesting and exciting. Turns out it’s exactly the same as every other kind of retail hell. 

He continues to tap tap tap his fingers against the plastic of the counter and sighs dramatically. It’s a Sunday afternoon, and the shop is completely dead. There are a few people walking around the mall but nobody seems interested in buying dildos and lube on a Sunday. 

An Ariana Grande song is pumping over the speakers. It’s a song that Tweek and he have definitely had sex to in the past, but after hearing it three million times at work, all he can associate it with is boredom and obnoxious customers. Work definitely took the sexy out of sex sometimes, which leaves Craig feeling saltier than he probably should, but it’s not like anybody is offering him another job. 

Craig doesn’t mind thinking about Tweek at work though; he doesn’t feel guilty about it in the slightest. Tweek works in the mall too, as a barista at some fancy organic coffee shop in the food court. On days when they both work, Craig tries to coordinate his lunch break with Tweek’s own. Tweek is off this particular Sunday, though, probably at home eating instant mac and cheese with his feet up on their couch, wrapped in a blanket burrito. Right where Craig wishes he was now. 

For the most part, Tweek can make him forget about work. He even jokes about “testing the merchandise” that Craig is selling.

Sometimes, when he’s really, really bored and missing the shit out of Tweek he likes to picture how he might look in the lingerie when he unboxes it. Stocking is so menial and robotic that he generally lets his mind wander as he pulls lacy panties and harnesses out of their little plastic bags and hangs them on racks and shelves. It isn’t hard to imagine Tweek bent over wi-

The sound of footsteps interrupts Craig’s daydream and he shoots his head up to look at the offender, his cheeks tinged a little red.

The customer hasn’t noticed him and looks a little embarrassed as well. 

Craig can't actually bring himself to actually be embarrassed as a customer anymore, he’s been desensitised. 

“Can I help y-“

“Ah! No!” She squeaks and jumps back a little, which reminds him of Tweek. The corners of his mouth curl upwards involuntarily.

Craig is very used to getting this kind of reaction from customers. It bores him, frankly, and he doesn’t get what people are ashamed of. 

“No problem,” he replies, and wanders back to his post behind the counter. That’s how bored he is. He engaged with a customer, just for some minimal human interaction. This is what working in retail has done to him.

The customer is staring intensely at a shelf with assorted bottles of flavored lube, complete with testers so customers can try before they buy. Craig hates flavored lube, it tastes artificial and sickly. Besides, he prefers the taste of Tweek as he is. He doesn’t want to mask it with some fake strawberry flavored shit. 

“Can I...?” She says quietly, turning to face Craig and pointing at the tester bottles.

“It’s what they’re there for,” he says flatly. He knows he isn’t really helping her to feel more at ease, but whatever. It’s not his fault she’s a big easily-embarrassed baby. He just wants this day to end so he can spend some damn time with Tweek before the weekend is totally over. He doesn’t care whether that entails him being railed on the sofa or if they just snuggle together and watch House Hunters.

Craig and his customer’s less-than-stimulating engagement is interrupted by laughter, familiar laughter. Uh oh. He turns his gaze to the shops entrance to see Clyde, Jimmy, Token and...Tweek? 

Tweek is out with the guys on his day off? Craigs pretty sure he remembers Tweek being excited to do nothing today, but social interaction is good too. Tweek doesn’t really go out enough, so Craig is pleasantly surprised.

“Hey dude, slow day selling dicks?” Clyde says, earning a snicker from Jimmy.

“Is it huh-huh-hh… paradise for your gay hhh-hhhe… soul?” Jimmy says, with a cheeky lopsided grin.

“Good one, dude!” Clyde exclaims, and slaps Jimmy on the back.

Craig rolls his eyes (so does Token) and instead locks eyes with Tweek, who is still hanging at the back of the group and smiling shyly. Craig smiles in return before turning back to his idiot friends.

“I’m working, you assholes, buy something or get out,” he drawls and casts his eyes back to the poor customer still sampling lube. She won’t make eye contact with him.

“We’re here on official business actually,” Clyde says.

“Ff-fff for Tweek,” Jimmy beams.

“For Tweek?” Craig says, his voice coming out a little higher than he’d like.

“He just missed his boyfriend so much,” Token chimes in sarcastically.

“Who better to give an informed opinion than the very person he sticks his dick in on the regular!” Clyde says, much too loudly for indoors. Craig’s beginning to see why customers might be embarrassed right about now. He ducks his head and looks at the floor. He can feel his cheeks burning red again.

Tweek himself walks up to the counter slowly until he is directly opposite Craig on the other side. He leans in a little closer and speaks softly enough for only Craig to hear.

“Your -ah- birthday is coming up, my love.”

Craig gulps. God, this is so unprofessional.

“But why bring the guys here?” Craig replies.

“They -hnn- insisted on tagging along, man. I thought we were going to get coffee then bam! Let’s go visit Craig at work. Sorry, I tried -hah-” he says, much more animatedly with his hands flying every which way as he talks.

“They just wanted to fuck with me,” Craig groans. He has a feeling that Tweek may be wanting to do the same too. Fucking assholes. 

“I’ll try to be -ah- discreet,” Tweek says, but Craig really isn’t convinced.

“Tweeeek!” Sing-songs Clyde from where the guys are huddled around a rack towards the back of the store. Tweek shrugs and heads over while Craig grits his teeth and follows. 

“Try this on!” Clyde exclaims. He’s holding up a tiny pair of lacy cheeky panties that would not fit Tweek in a thousand years. They’re the type of panties that expose the ass cheeks just so when they fit right, so that they peek through, rather than be fully exposed, like a thong. Tweek actually does have a similar pair at home, but Tweek’s pair is black, not pink like the monstrosity Clyde is dangling before them. Besides, Tweek’s are the correct size. 

“You can’t try on underwear, asswipe, it’s unhygienic,” Craig says and glowers over at his friends. They all know this. They’ve had this damn conversation several times before.

“What a shame,” Token deadpans.

“So?” Clyde questions, “We buy it then he tries it on!”

“I’m starting to th-thu-think you just want to see Tweek in p-panties,” Jimmy replies and winks at Craig.

“What?! Dude no I’m not gay!!!” hollers Clyde, and Craig tunes himself out from the idiotic argument brewing.

Instead, he turns his attention to Tweek, who is just casually browsing on his own and ignoring their friends’ teasing. He catches Craig’s eye and smiles slyly.

Craig really wishes he wasn’t on the clock, because urge to be in Tweek’s space is so strong. It’s only been like five or so hours since he left Tweek still bundled up in bed but damn, does he miss him. 

“Hey Craig,” Token says, reminding Craig of his mediocre reality, “Why aren’t you helping that poor girl?”

She turns and eyes them carefully, probably trying to assess whether they are making fun of her or not. Craig feels bad for her. The guys can be kind of intimidating when they’re in a group, being loud and showing off like this. 

“I’m alright,” she says quietly. So quiet that Craig barely catches it, and he highly doubts that Clyde and the guys do.

“Craig is an expert!” Clyde chimes in, probably grateful that the spotlight has been taken off his sexuality.

“What’s your fa-fa-favourite flavor, Craig?” asks Jimmy.

“Vanilla,” Craig answers, and slumps his shoulders in defeat. 

“He prefers it unflavored,” Tweek’s says, nonchalant, like he’s talking about what he had for lunch. 

“If you want a flavored one,” Craig says, trying his best to put her at ease. It’s not her fault his friends (and boyfriend, the traitor) are assholes and he’d like to not get fired because she complains to his manager or something.

“If it has to be flavored, I like the vanilla one because it isn’t overpowering. The fruit ones can taste kind of artificial,” he offers.

“I think I like that one the best too,” she says in a small voice, but she’s smiling so Craig chalks that up as a win. He’s happy to ring her up, just to get a break from babysitting his friends. 

She seems happy with her purchases as he watches her leave the store.

Craig outwardly cringes when he turns to see Clyde placing a bra on Jimmy’s head. Christ, Craig is going to have to hang and fold all those displaced bras and panties. 

“Is this the right size for Jim here Craig?” Clyde says. Craig truly believes he is looking for a punch on this Sunday afternoon. Clyde is now aiming his iPhone at Jimmy to take his picture for Instagram.

“This isn’t Victoria’s Secret, fuck off,” Craig snaps back. He rubs at his temples and tries not to think about how much harder Jimmy and Clyde have made the store recovery. When he opens up his eyes, Tweek has a kind hand on his shoulder.

“They’ll -hnn- clean that up,” he says. Craig is sure they will, but they will definitely clean it up wrong.

“You’re making this up to me,” Craig huffs. 

“I absolutely am,” he says evenly, Craig raises an eyebrow in intrigue.

“We’ve got some good stuff at home man, stuff that we’ve barely used,” Tweek continues, “Good shit we got with your -nnn- discount”

“Will you wear th-“

“Yes. I’m not telling which -ah- ones though. Keep some mystery alive.”

“I hate you,” Craig whines, “I have like three more hours of this shit knowing that I have you at home.”

“You’ll get over it,” Tweek smirks, then turns back to their friends, “Let’s go, man. I want to get another -nghh- coffee before they shut down.”

“You just had one!” Clyde moans, “and you didn’t find Craig a present.”

“Next time,” Tweek says. 

///

Craig knows that his birthday present is going to be Tweek, but that’s exactly what he wants. Tweek knows this too.

Tweek’s not all that into the lingerie and lacy panties; he’s ambivalent. But they still have the stash, for special occasions, or for when Craig has been extra good. Maybe it’s silly, but Craig loves it when Tweek wrecks him wearing lingerie. Everybody has their thing, right? And true love is give and take. Craig has tried some things he’d rather not remember on Tweek’s birthdays. 

Tweek does come into the store a week later and purchases what will be Craig’s birthday present whilst looking him dead in the eye. Another pretty outfit to add to the stash. Thank god for the employee discount.

**Author's Note:**

> The Ariana Grande song playing is Let Me Love You, obviously. 
> 
> My tumblr is blesspastacraig if you wanna be friends :)


End file.
